When are you having another one??

The one question that currently breaks my heart, stops me in my tracks and makes me blatantly lie to whoever asks me.  I don’t lie, it defeats the purpose of being who I am.  I am straight up, honest and give it as I see it, but this lie is to protect me and what OTHER questions, sympathies and comments may arise.  It’s just EASIER to lie......

Honestly, I thought long and hard about posting this to the world.  And then I came to the conclusion, if it helps just one person (even if that is me) then why not.  There is definitely no reason for this to hurt anyone and if it does then they havn’t gotten the point of what I am trying to say.

So......

I am a Mother who is so blessed to have a healthy baby boy and I KNOW how lucky I am.   I appreciate him more and more each day......you see I have a secret I’d like to share with you all, it’s a secret so many mother’s out there have and live with every single day of their lives.

Dedication......

I am dedicating this Blog to all of the Mother’s who already have one......but can’t seem to FALL pregnant with another "naturally".  That’s my secret.

I know there are people out there who can’t even have one and I want to acknowledge them.  I share a piece of my heart with you, this blog is about already mother’s, but I have to acknowledge those who can’t even have one xxoo

Those damn questions and “advice”......

“Oh you have had one so at least you know you can have another”

“There’s a reason that this is happening”

“Oh I fall pregnant when my husband just touches me”

“Just give it time”

“Oh don’t you want your babies close together anymore?”

These are all things I have heard, from people I have told, Professionals and strangers.  They all make sense, but they aren't what someone in my situation wants to hear.  There’s a reason?  Why don’t I get let in on this reason?  It’s my body, my choice, my plans that have been turned upside down and changed without MY CONSENT.

Positivity and my Son......

I am a very positive person, sometimes too positive.  I am taking this all in my stride but deep down inside I am hurting, yearning, wanting and needing that baby that my husband and I have been trying for, for a long time.   Don’t get me wrong, my baby boy is my life and nothing will ever change that.  But I also want to do this for him.  I want to give him a sibling that he can grow up with, fight with, play with and make memories with.  I want to give him someone he can go to when he is older and talk to because he can’t talk to Mum or Dad about it.

I am broken, there’s something wrong with me......

I do blame myself, not in the way that I am purposely sabotaging this or that it’s my fault.  I just know it’s my problem and not my husbands, I wish I could give him another child.  I still hope to one day but I just need to get some help.  I even ask myself, “I've done it once, surely it should be just as easy the second time, why is this happening?” and can’t answer my own question.

Well, there you go.  That is my not so secret, secret.

I am not looking for sympathy, I am not looking for those sad looks from people when they hear......I am sharing this so that people understand what not only me, but so many other couples are going through......in silence.  Sometimes the simplest question can break the strongest person without you even knowing it.  Sometimes people don’t want to hear how YOU did it, or how it’s MEANT TO BE.  They just want a simple nod and acknowledgement.  No questions asked, no explanations.

If I told every person that asked me “When are you having another one” that “I can’t” I would have gone insane.  Who wants to recount their situation with every single person, simply because they were asked the question that they dread being asked every day.  Not Me.  I don’t hate people for asking at all, it’s not their fault, they don’t know and that’s why it’s just easier to lie.

This has honestly got to be one of the most emotional rollercoaster’s I have been on and I have been on a few rollercoaster’s in my time.  The negative psychological effect it has is so strong and support is necessary.  I am lucky to have an amazing husband and some great close friends who are there for me.  I urge anyone going through this to not go through it alone.  Talk about it.  This Blog has helped me immensely, just getting it out in the open.  Sharing my story J

My Dreams....

Oh how my dreams have changed in the last 12 months.  My biggest dreams are to be fat, not be able to bend down and pick up my car keys because of the human being I am growing inside me, have the need to get up and urinate every few hours in the middle of the night, waddle like a damn duck & simply be pregnant!!

I can’t have that dream again yet (hopefully one day) but hope that everyone out there that does become pregnant (and me in the future hopefully) enjoys every single moment. 

Every single pain that someone else out there dreams for.

Every single twinge in your back/leg/foot/bladder that another woman would give an arm or a leg for.

Of course everyone has the right to moan, that is only human.  It’s a long hard road being pregnant and having a newborn then toddler, I know, I’ve been there.  Just don’t let it hurt you, upset you or break you because it is a pretty special gift that you have given yourself  J

I have friends getting pregnant and having babies and I am so happy for them.  My elation may not show but deep down I am crying tears of happiness for them.  I don’t think “why not me” I think “yay for them” and that is how it should be. 

It will Pass......

The swelling......it will pass
The incontinence......it will pass (mostly haha)
The heartburn......it will pass (the moment you have your baby in your arms)
The constant need to pee......it will pass
The need and want for it to be over with!!......It will pass

Enjoy it, and then enjoy the amazing human being that you just grew inside of your own body.  They are a blessing and not to be taken lightly.  Enjoy each moment from the second you pee on that stick to the moment it’s time for you to leave this place.  You are their world just like they are yours.  There are people out there who would take your place in an instant, without question.

The STATISTICS......

Approximately 1 in 7 couples go through Secondary Infertility (or find it hard to have a second child), it is very common.

Approximately 10-15% of couples are infertile.

If you are having trouble with Number 2 go seek help after 6 months, not 12 like primary infertility.

Most cases of Infertility stem from the females side.

Causes in order are =   1: Age

       2: Weight

       3: Endometriosis

I want to thank whoever took the time to read this xxoo

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