The one
question that currently breaks my heart, stops me in my tracks and makes me
blatantly lie to whoever asks me. I
don’t lie, it defeats the purpose of being who I am. I am straight up, honest and give it as I see
it, but this lie is to protect me and what OTHER questions, sympathies and
comments may arise. It’s just EASIER to
lie......
Honestly, I
thought long and hard about posting this to the world. And then I came to the conclusion, if it
helps just one person (even if that is me) then why not. There is definitely no reason for this to
hurt anyone and if it does then they havn’t gotten the point of what I am
trying to say.
So......
I am a
Mother who is so blessed to have a healthy baby boy and I KNOW how lucky I
am. I appreciate him more and more each
day......you see I have a secret I’d like to share with you all, it’s a secret
so many mother’s out there have and live with every single day of their lives.
Dedication......
I am
dedicating this Blog to all of the Mother’s who already have one......but can’t
seem to FALL pregnant with another "naturally".
That’s my secret.
I know there
are people out there who can’t even have one and I want to acknowledge
them. I share a piece of my heart with
you, this blog is about already mother’s, but I have to acknowledge those who
can’t even have one xxoo
Those damn questions and “advice”......
“Oh you have
had one so at least you know you can have another”
“There’s a
reason that this is happening”
“Oh I fall
pregnant when my husband just touches me”
“Just give
it time”
“Oh don’t
you want your babies close together anymore?”
These are
all things I have heard, from people I have told, Professionals and
strangers. They all make sense, but they aren't what someone in my situation wants to hear. There’s a reason? Why don’t I get let in on this reason? It’s my body, my choice, my plans that have
been turned upside down and changed without MY CONSENT.
Positivity and my Son......
I am a very
positive person, sometimes too positive.
I am taking this all in my stride but deep down inside I am hurting,
yearning, wanting and needing that baby that my husband and I have been trying
for, for a long time. Don’t get me
wrong, my baby boy is my life and nothing will ever change that. But I also want to do this for him. I want to give him a sibling that he can grow
up with, fight with, play with and make memories with. I want to give him someone he can go to when
he is older and talk to because he can’t talk to Mum or Dad about it.
I am broken, there’s something wrong
with me......
I do blame
myself, not in the way that I am purposely sabotaging this or that it’s my fault. I just know it’s my problem and not my
husbands, I wish I could give him another child. I still hope to one day but I just need to
get some help. I even ask myself, “I've done it once, surely it should be just as easy the second time, why is this happening?”
and can’t answer my own question.
Well, there
you go. That is my not so secret,
secret.
I am not
looking for sympathy, I am not looking for those sad looks from people when
they hear......I am sharing this so that people understand what not only me,
but so many other couples are going through......in silence. Sometimes the simplest question can break the
strongest person without you even knowing it.
Sometimes people don’t want to hear how YOU did it, or how it’s MEANT TO
BE. They just want a simple nod and
acknowledgement. No questions asked, no
explanations.
If I told
every person that asked me “When are you having another one” that “I can’t” I
would have gone insane. Who wants to
recount their situation with every single person, simply because they were
asked the question that they dread being asked every day. Not Me.
I don’t hate people for asking at all, it’s not their fault, they don’t
know and that’s why it’s just easier to lie.
This has
honestly got to be one of the most emotional rollercoaster’s I have been on and
I have been on a few rollercoaster’s in my time. The negative psychological effect it has is
so strong and support is necessary. I am
lucky to have an amazing husband and some great close friends who are there for
me. I urge anyone going through this to
not go through it alone. Talk about
it. This Blog has helped me immensely,
just getting it out in the open. Sharing
my story J
My Dreams....
Oh how my
dreams have changed in the last 12 months.
My biggest dreams are to be fat, not be able to bend down and pick up my
car keys because of the human being I am growing inside me, have the need to
get up and urinate every few hours in the middle of the night, waddle like a
damn duck & simply be pregnant!!
I can’t have
that dream again yet (hopefully one day) but hope that everyone out there that
does become pregnant (and me in the future hopefully) enjoys every single
moment.
Every single
pain that someone else out there dreams for.
Every single
twinge in your back/leg/foot/bladder that another woman would give an arm or a
leg for.
Of course
everyone has the right to moan, that is only human. It’s a long hard road being pregnant and
having a newborn then toddler, I know, I’ve been there. Just don’t let it hurt you, upset you or break
you because it is a pretty special gift that you have given yourself J
I have
friends getting pregnant and having babies and I am so happy for them. My elation may not show but deep down I am
crying tears of happiness for them. I
don’t think “why not me” I think “yay for them” and that is how it should
be.
It will Pass......
The
swelling......it will pass
The incontinence......it will pass (mostly haha)
The heartburn......it will pass (the moment you have your baby in your arms)
The constant need to pee......it will pass
The need and want for it to be over with!!......It will pass
The incontinence......it will pass (mostly haha)
The heartburn......it will pass (the moment you have your baby in your arms)
The constant need to pee......it will pass
The need and want for it to be over with!!......It will pass
Enjoy it,
and then enjoy the amazing human being that you just grew inside of your own
body. They are a blessing and not to be
taken lightly. Enjoy each moment from
the second you pee on that stick to the moment it’s time for you to leave this
place. You are their world just like
they are yours. There are people out
there who would take your place in an instant, without question.
The STATISTICS......
Approximately
1 in 7 couples go through Secondary Infertility (or find it hard to have a
second child), it is very common.
Approximately
10-15% of couples are infertile.
If you are
having trouble with Number 2 go seek help after 6 months, not 12 like primary
infertility.
Most cases
of Infertility stem from the females side.
Causes in
order are = 1: Age
2: Weight
3: Endometriosis
I want to
thank whoever took the time to read this xxoo
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